5 LOVE LANGUAGES: BENEFITS FOR A HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIP

What Are The 5 Love Languages?

Why They Will Prove To Be Undeserving If You Aren’t Complete and Whole Within? 

It takes more frequent dates and lavishing your romantic partner with expensive gifts to develop a healthy relationship where you each experience deeper levels of intimacy. The key to having a long-lasting exuberant relationship is knowing how to love and how to give love unconditionally. The 5 love languages discovered by Gary Chapman provide a basis in which our foundation can be constructed to transform the dynamics of our relationships for the better. Each of us has a primary love language in which we speak and to have a harmonious relationship we need to interact with one another in ways that implement each other's primary love language frequently but more significantly we needn't neglect the other love languages that will gratify our counterparts every emotional and physical want and need. The most common problem relationships face today is two people's inability to consistently pour love into one another by adequately implementing the 5 love languages due to a lack of completeness and wholeness within—due to a lack of self-love. 

Although utilizing all love languages is the best way to convey our love, no amount of knowledge can substitute completeness and wholeness within which is what everyone should be before entering a committed relationship. If we aren’t complete, if we aren’t whole within ourselves then exercising these components of love won’t prove to be of much value. To be internally whole and complete by ourselves is to render these acts of love that will undoubtedly lead to a healthy, harmonious, loving, ethereal relationship. 

So What Should You Be Before Entering A Committed Relationship? 

• Committed to God because without a deep connection with God, our lives won’t be prosperous or harmonious and neither will our relationships with ourselves and with others.

• Committed to your mental, emotional,  physical, and spiritual health because how can you commit to another if you aren’t fully committed to yourself first?  Likewise, how can you expect anyone to commit to you when you haven’t fully been committed to yourself? 

• Internally complete and whole all by yourself, which means you are living in the absence of fears of being alone and have done the necessary internal work required to sustain a harmonious relationship. When we are internally complete and whole we function independently and interdependently and can love purely. Pure love only exists in the absence of emotional attachment styles. Two people who are complete and whole don’t need or want one another because they complete themselves. They don’t yearn for love outside of themselves for a sense of completeness or happiness. They share their happiness and love from a cup that is already full and often overflowing with self-love. They don't expect love or happiness from each other to keep their cups full. 

• Reverence for oneself because reverence is first earned before it is given and should never be demanded.  How can we expect anyone else to do for us what we can’t do for ourselves? We teach people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves and the boundaries we put in place to reinforce our self-worth. 

• Emotionally mature because without the ability to comprehend one’s feelings and emotions and healthily process them, we won’t be able to empathize with others and unintentionally project our internal chaos and confusion onto them. Hence we should expect the same in return. Even what we unintentionally and unconsciously give will be reciprocated. 

• Be independent because without strong independence we can’t expect to be in a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are developed between two independent individuals who then can cohabit interdependently with one another.

• Connected. A relationship between two people with a genuine soul connection is much deeper than a relationship between two people with chemistry and lustful-based passion. Connections are rare; wait for rare ones, don't settle for what’s easily accessible. 

The 5 Love Languages: Benefits For A Healthier Relationship 

Once we’ve reached an adequate level of completeness and wholeness within ourselves we can implement the 5 love languages and give birth to a relationship that will be fruitful. The amount of gratification that comes from two people who conjoin in a Union who are complete and whole within themselves is inexplicable. As we are the framework of healthy relationships,  the 5  love languages act as the framework for overstanding how individuals communicate and receive love. By overstanding and speaking each other's love language, counterparts can communicate more effectively and build deeper intimate connections. Now let's dive into the 5 love languages. 

1. Words of Affirmation: This love language is all about verbalizing our admiration and appreciation for our significant others. A simple, “Thank you for taking the time to do the little things that you do they mean a lot to me', or “I appreciate you, and your presence is so valuable to me” are compliments that show the valuation of character and a deep acceptance for who they are and what they bring to the table. Verbal affirmations have been proven to be transformative in our personal lives and they certainly go the distance in helping you reshape your relationship.
2. Quality Time: Quality time is best spent in the absence of distractions. Giving someone your full undivided attention shows that you value their time and what they have to say. It shows them that you are attentive to their needs and wants and that you are invested in the relationship that you both share. It makes them feel acknowledged and important. Your undivided attention means not simultaneously watching television, or utilizing your smartphone to scroll through social media. It's taking a moment to gaze into each other's eyes and connect and enjoy being in each other's presence taking you into deeper levels of emotional intimacy. 
3. Gift Giving: Gift giving is not about the expense but rather the sentimental thought. Gifts mean so much more to people when they come from the heart and a place of genuineness. Random sentimental gift-giving is still one of the best ways to show someone you care about them and that you love them and are devoted to their happiness just as much as you're devoted to your own. There is a huge difference between buying something of financial value and buying something of emotional value. Buying something of emotional value shows that you've been listening and that you value their happiness. 
4. Physical Touch: Physical touch is one of the most common love languages but also the most misunderstood. Physical touch isn’t solely based on sexual intimacy. Physical touch can be expressed in nightly massages, a kiss on the back of the hand, a gentle caress of the shoulder and chest, and holding hands. These forms of physical touches promote deeper levels of emotional intimacy and connectedness. Sex is just sex if we go into the bedroom with a mindset of self-pleasure. Real sexual intimacy is a selfless act and is felt euphorically between two people when they begin entering the bedroom with the intention of solely pleasing one another rather than being pleaded, and in providing that pleasure they feel a sense of gratification and are completely fulfilled. 
5. Acts of Service: Helping one another with responsibilities relieves a lot of burden and stress. When we work as a team to get things accomplished everything in life seems to flow freely without tension and we experience a frustration-free life.  Filling up the gas tank, paying for their car to get detailed, paying for laundry service, having groceries delivered to your home, and utilizing the dishwasher more often are various ways we can relieve ourselves and our romantic partners of some of life’s burdens. 

By becoming the best versions of ourselves first we can strengthen emotional bonds when expressing love in ways meaningful to one another. As we build stronger emotional bonds that lead to deeper intimacy and commitment we minimize or eliminate conflicts caused by misunderstandings or unmet needs. Thus allowing us to experience Increased satisfaction and happiness. Love is a selfless act and to put forth minimal effort or engage in a relationship before we've yet to master ourselves is not only a disservice to the one that we love but a disservice to ourselves.