CODEPENDENCY: THE FOUNDATION OF UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

What Is Codependency? 

Codependency is typically a relationship between two people in which they become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently. Likewise, it can be a relationship between a person and an obsessive habit. This kind of relationship dictates every aspect of your life, including your happiness, will, and identity, and can be either conscious or subconscious. Being affected by any one of them usually stems from a persons past experience in relationships, especially that of a parent and child,  and the DNA programming of the individual.

What Is Subconscious Codependency? 

This type of codependency might emanate from a dysfunctional childhood filled with emotional neglect, overbearing parents, past experiences of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, and lack of intimacy that leads to induced low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness that can gradually build up to a need for approval by others. When this happens, there’s usually a need for succour, in the arms of someone, or something. This creates a pattern of codependency on a subconscious level, that you are not aware of. Usually this reflects outward as an emotional codependency; a yearning or perpetual search for love in others rather than within ourselves because as an emotional neglected child or a victim of physical or verbally abuse, one has grown to develop feelings that they are unworthy of giving themselves love. They often develop a preconceived notion that they are unworthy of love and praise yet ironically seek the same emotional comfort and love they have deemed themselves unworthy of from others.

It’s a desperate cry to anyone who would give it to them for they’ve long gone without. These types of people have a hard time being alone, and without a romantic connection they experience deep sadness and feelings of loneliness, which causes them to jump from one relationship to another, or indulge in promiscuous behavior. They tend to be dysfunctionally clingy, or attached to their partners to the point of embracing being coddled by them, which isn’t healthy. 

What Is Conscious Codependency? 

This is a more toxic form of codependency. The overly dependent partner is aware that he or she is dependent and that the other partner isn't all that invested or reliable. Yet they keep striving to please them, even to their own detriment, because they believe that the relationship actually defines who they are. It has consumed their identity, courtesy of the ego and its mechanism to create illusions and false perceptions regarding our identities. Helping someone come to awareness of their habitual subconscious codependency is a quick and easier way to help them to break free, but convincing someone to let go who is already aware of their dependency would definitely be an uphill task. 

Much like drug addictions, one must be ready, open and willing to change to create a better life for themselves. People who suffer from these forms of codependency tend to stay in unfulfilling relationships that bring them no contentment because of their need for financial security, and/or temporary emotional comforts it provides. When the codependency is reliant on financial stability there is usually an underlying fear of not being able to make it on their own. They have completely lost their sense of independence.

But the real question is, how do you decipher if you are codependent without having someone point it out to you? Here are some of the signs that characterizes a codependent relationship:

• Lack of trust in self and low self esteem
• Having a larger than life responsibility for others while neglecting yourself, otherwise known as being a people pleaser
• Overt dependency on your partner's approval, or constantly seeking their validation. 
• Difficulty in identifying and voicing your feelings
• Having fears of abandonment 

If the above resonated and you believe that you suffer from subconscious or conscious codependency, now that you’ve seen the signs that exhibit codependent behavior you can begin making conscious efforts to break free and regain your independence. Our independence from another human being is a non-negotiable skill set. We are all unique and designed to function independently of one another yet work interdependently to build upon the lifestyle we’ve already created for ourselves, leading to ultimate life fulfillment. Self-growth is the ultimate pathway to living a life that’s more fulfilling. Now it’s up to you to make necessary positive routine changes and move more into alignment with your authentic soul self. Anything is achievable so long as we make it believable to achieve.