SEXUAL TRAUMA AND THE AFFECTS IT HAS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

People who have experienced sexual trauma are negatively impacted in so many ways; from their mental health to their emotional well-being, and their personal relationships. It can have different impacts on people, depending on what an individual has encountered. People who were repeatedly abused for years tend to have trouble getting intimate due to their fears of violence. They tend to fear being in a relationship, or being open in a relationship because of their anxieties surrounding this trauma. Sexual trauma can damage one's confidence and feelings of being worthy of love. This can affect a victim's relationship, or be an obstacle when it comes to committing to a relationship. 

Sexual trauma can affect your relationships in the following ways:

• Shame: When you have been sexually traumatized, shame may follow you into every aspect of your life, and if you haven't been getting help, the shame can go on and on. This can affect your romantic relationships and even the platonic ones because you never know if it is safe to open up with anyone you meet. When it comes to sexual abuse, shame is one of the worst effects it has on victims. You are always struggling with trust, friendship, and love because you always wonder how people see you. You feel as if you're being judged. Sometimes, you may try to shed to make yourself lovable or accepted. In your head, there is a judgemental voice. This voice blames you for everything that happened. It makes you feel like you have done something wrong and you don't deserve love from your partner. 

• Staying distant and keeping your guard up: You may tend to stay distant from people, and this is usually to protect yourself from being taken advantage of by people. You find it hard to relax with everyone you meet. If you eventually open up, you will need a lot of reassurance that you are valued and appreciated. If your partner doesn’t call you or respond to your text immediately, you feel it is over and you’ve been abandoned. This is because sexual abuse creates feelings of emotional abandonment. 

• Equating sex with love: You may begin to equate sex with love. If your partner is not having sex with you, you think they don’t love you. While some people tend to run away from intimacy, some feel unwanted if their partner doesn’t have sex with them. You may feel rejected by your partner, or feel your partner doesn’t love you. 

So how does sexual trauma affect your choice of partners? 

You may tend to choose long-distance relationships, or partners that you can control. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting involved in a relationship that allows you to still remain in control of your emotions. They suit you because in some ways, you feel you’re in control of the relationship. You can feel this way when the effects of sexual trauma go untreated. The feeling of being in control makes you feel powerful. 

On the other hand, you may feel drawn to people who are controlling, just like your abusers. The feeling of someone controlling you makes you feel wanted, owned, and appreciated. Neither of these two kinds of relationships satisfies a deeper need for love. You cannot get the comfort, or pleasure you desire and it leaves you wanting for more; having feelings of discontentment. Engaging in therapeutic treatment, meditating, journaling, and being with someone who understands what you’ve been through and wants to help you work through your issues can help you overcome fears of intimacy. It will also allow you to open up so that you can experience more fulfilling relationships and receive the love that you desire and that you deserve.