ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER? : SIGNS AND HOW TO STOP

Are you a people pleaser? People who do whatever it takes to make other people happy are known as people pleasers. While it is good to be kind and helpful, going extra miles to please others can be risky. You may start feeling emotionally drained and anxious. People pleasers may start neglecting their own needs because of the fear of disappointing others who need their help. Be careful, the urge to please other people can be damaging to yourself and even your relationships.

How does one become a people pleaser? 

Being a people pleaser can be triggered by the following: 

● Low self-esteem

● Insecurity

● Past experiences

● Fear of rejection

What are some signs that scream you are a people pleaser? 

The fact that you love to help people doesn’t mean you are a people pleaser. Helping is not bad, but going out of your way to do so is bad. If you are wondering if you are a people pleaser, the signs below can help you make that determination: 

YOU HAVE A LOW OPINION OF YOURSELF: People pleasers often have an unhealthy self-esteem and they draw their self-worth from other people’s approval. You may think people only care when you can help them. You may find yourself craving for their praise and appreciation so as to feel great about yourself.

YOU NEED OTYHER TO LIKE YOU: You are scared that people won’t like you, so you will do anything to make them like you. You might also want to be needed, believing you will receive love and affection by those who need you.

APOLOGIZING EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT AT FAULT: You always blame yourself for anything that happens to other people. It’s good to apologize if you’ve clearly hurt someone, but you need to check yourself if you find yourself apologizing for things you did not do or have no control over.

YOUR WORTH DEPENDS ON HOW OTHERS' PERCEIVE YOU: You may find yourself craving praise from other people. Your confidence may rise and fall based on what other people think or say about you. You always need validation from other people to feel good about yourself.

NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY NO:You may find it difficult to say no to others when they need you to do something. If you find yourself making up excuses after you have made a commitment to someone’s needs, you may be a people pleaser.

How to stop being a people-pleaser?

If you have decided that you are a people-pleaser and you want to stop, here are a few tips to help you:

SHOW HOW KINDNESS ONLY WHEN YOU MEAN IT: Being kind is a great thing, but it shouldn’t come from a desire to earn other people’s approval. It also shouldn’t involve you wanting to make things better for another person.

LEARN TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST: You cannot pour from an empty cup. You have to take care of yourself before you take care of other people. Putting yourself first is not a selfish act, it’s a healthy one.

TALK TOA THERAPIST:  You may try to break long-standing patterns on your own. However, it may be difficult, especially if it formed when you were a child or as a result of trauma. Talking to a therapist can help you.

Remember that you are enough and you do not need other people’s validation to feel good about yourself.