BELITTLEMENT: SIGNS, EFFECTS, AND WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE BEING BELITTLED BY OTHERS
Doesn’t it hurt when people talk down on you. Or how about when you walk down the hallways of your school or office and hear snide talks that berate you. Maybe you even experience this more profoundly in your own home from your mother, or father or caretaker, or even your romantic partner.
Sometimes, when we try to give someone friendly advice or constructive criticism, it may not come out the way we intended. You might have come across a bit harsh. Yeah, it happens!
Perhaps advice that started as one thought turned into a monologue of thoughts and they sound more judgemental than loving, or hurtful than helpful. Soon, our good intentions may turn into us belittling the other person, or them belittling us, even though we just wanted to help. It is easy to understand what it means to belittle someone, but it is harder to identify the action as a verbal and emotional abuse tactic. That is because unlike yelling at someone, belittling usually happens in private. It also becomes a pattern of emotional abuse over time.
Effects of Belittlement
Belittlement is often dismissed initially, which
makes it so dangerous. Belittling comments like “You would look more attractive if…” or “You’re not smart enough” might be mistaken for constructive criticism or harmless joking that makes you doubt yourself. Overtime, the effect of belittling causes harm by wearing you down and slowly destroying your self-esteem. When you react, your belittler accuses you of being too sensitive, which causes you to question your own account of the situation. This is not just belittling, but another form of emotional abuse; a form of emotional manipulation called gaslighting. This only leads to a downward spiral of low self-esteem and self-doubt, which is difficult to overcome.
Below are the signs that your partner, friend, colleague, or family member is belittling you. You may also have a habit of belittling someone and not know that you’re doing it.
HUMILIATING YOU: A person might go out of their way to make you look or feel stupid in front of others. They might call you names, tease you, insult you, and undermine anything you say so that others will laugh at you.
INSULTING YOU: The other person may start questioning your decisions and making ugly comments about them. They may even insult your family and friends and put you down because you care about them.
CRITICIZING YOU: The other person may start with what appears to be ‘feedback’ or constructive criticism, but this can quickly turn into a degrading and hurtful behavior. If you often feel worthless, boring, or unattractive because of how your friend or partner, or family member talks to you or about you, then you’re being belittled by them. They may also try to dismiss your feelings or opinions.
What To Do
When you realize that you are being belittled, you need to find the courage to speak up. Stand up for yourself and let the other person know that you do not like how they treat you. You are not worthless. Your feelings are valid. Your opinions matter. Above all, go where you are appreciated, respected and valued.
