IS IT LOVE, OR ARE YOU JUST COMFORTABLE?

Let’s face it, some people in relationships nowadays are just comfortable, they aren’t in love. A comfortable relationship, as enticing as the name might seem, is one in which partners don't feel that intimate spark. It’s not a relationship built on the foundation of passionate romance, but rather a relationship built on an even exchange. This is a settler mentality, in which both partners choose comfortability over a relationship that’s more invigorating and self-evolving. They no longer try to impress each other, feel stuck and can probably imagine life with another person. Most times, the fear of rejection or fear of failure often drives an individual to stay in a comfortable relationship.

A comfortable relationship is a codependent one. Without the ignitement of passionate love, both parties involved are in their comfort zone and aren’t willing to improve the excitement in the relationship, make efforts to strengthen the relationship, and even in most cases engage heavily in conflict with each other. Both partners here may feel stuck and indifferent about the relationship and harbor resentment for one another. In some cases where a comfortable relationship might be abstaining from conflict, individuals in the connection won’t get the right amount of happiness and excitement. People who are in relationships that are “just comfortable” aren’t fulfilled and lack the willingness to evolve, and the relationship becomes either too nonchalant, or too difficult to maintain. 

Here are some signs of being in a comfortable relationship with the absence of being in love.

• Lack of Excitement: People who find themselves in a comfortable relationship without being in love often lack excitement in their relationship. One or both partners do not feel the need to go the extra mile to enliven the mood of the relationship. Partners may lack the need to engage in suitable conversations or desire to learn new things about themselves or share important information. They avoid deep talks, and the relationship is usually stagnant beyond all measure.
  
  
• Feeling of Settling: Settling refers to the acceptance of something less. It refers to the act of accepting a relationship and remaining in one that your heart truly does not want to stay in. Settling is an unhealthy trait in the relationship that puts partners' self growth on hold. People who are afraid of losing their partners are often financially or emotionally codependent on their relationship which makes it seem harder to let go. People in these types of relationships internally agree on an imperfect future to ensure that the relationship simply survives not thrives.
  
  
• Lack/Abundance of Conflicts: The contention is crucial when exposing critical aspects of our partners and ourselves. Reasserting differences between couples helps to improve the relationship as couples tend to exert optimal effort to make things work because they’ve deemed each other worth the fight. Relationships without disagreements show lack of intimacy between partners and lack of authenticity and transparency. Whilst relationships with heavy conflict show elements of distrust as well as lack of intimacy. 
  
  
• Growth Is Static: An overwhelming sign of a comfortable relationship without being in love is the foregoing of one's future aspirations to ensure the continuity of the relationship. Partners often lack experience, dwell in stagnancy and lack in learning and thriving. The relationship moves more like a routine, and the participants abandon their dreams and goals all together. 
  

If living a life that you're not content with is your forte then by all means live your life away. However if you, like most people do, desire a life that is more fulfilling, a life that you can proudly claim, then why settle? Settling is one stop next to failure. Never settle and always aspire to be more, do more and receive more.