RESENTMENT: CAUSES & HOW IT RUINS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

When a person regards themselves as maltreated or taken advantage of by a spouse, friend, family member, teacher, or superior, something stirs up, begging to be ignored. It begins, innocently enough, to creep into the psyche, and if not caught early enough, develops into a rot that can destroy relationships.

Resentment is a feeling of rage for something that appears to be unjust. Unfortunately, bad things happen to everyone. Anger and grudges might be sparked by financial difficulties, health issues, or the sensation that you are doing more than your fair part in a relationship. Some people find it difficult to let go of negative feelings, which leads to the harboring of resentment for another.

Your relationship doesn't have to end just because you're resentful of each other. You can recognize some indicators of resentment and work to heal these emotions and release them, or let them linger and watch your relationship drown. But first, keep an eye out for resentment's subtle indications.

CAUSES OF RESENTMENT

• HOLDING GRUDGES: When it becomes difficult to forgive or let go of the past, it becomes easier to retain these memories and let the pain grow into disgust, which eats up the bliss from the present moment.
  
  
• UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Having predefined expectations about how your relationship should function or how your spouse should treat you is a good sign that you value yourself and hold yourself to high standards. The difficulty is that your expectations often don't match those of your significant other, or things that any ordinary person can or would want to accomplish, landing you into that feeling of disappointment.
   
• FEELING PUT DOWN: If a friend or a partner consistently discounts or dismisses you, it's easy to take a hint that they're not good people to have in your life. Hence, your subconscious works to end the relationship. But it could indicate that you need to improve your assertiveness.

In a relationship, resentment plays a basic role. Distance. It creates physical and emotional separation between individuals, much like pride & ego. It's a self-defence mechanism designed to keep you safe. "I'm not going to let you hurt me." It's also a retaliatory measure intended to make amends. "You harmed me, so I'll retaliate." Unchecked animosity, unfortunately, damages both partners and puts the relationship at risk of future deterioration.

Increased bitterness and difficulty letting go of resentment are also possible symptoms of depression. If you're having trouble treating bouts of depression seek help from a mental health expert that will support you.