THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SITUATION-SHIP AND A RELATIONSHIP

WHAT ARE SITUATION-SHIPS?

Lifestyles and genuine connections are crucial aspects of relationships and are the determining factors to whether you are in a situation-ship or a relationship. Situationships are temporary experiences with people who act as a catalyst for our personal growth and development. They are solely meant to be temporary although attempting to force them into permanency has become the normality. We now live in a modern world where we can choose our life partners and should do so mindfully. Situationships are characterized by codependent partners so emotional and/or financial codependency is very much apparent and predominant in these types of partnerships and tends to be the foundation upon which these partnerships are built. There is no genuine soul connection, rather both forced parties in such affairs tend to seek out chemistry and potential in a mate.  Whilst others can have self-reliant partners, be built on a foundation of connection, and are categorized by interdependence; these are organic relationships. 

Situationships are inorganic as both parties partaking in them have yet to reach a level of wholeness within and attempt to force yet fail at instilling harmony into a partnership of temporary means. An interdependent relationship is a healthy one, as it commemorates mutual support, and builds upon individual ambitions and growth. Situationships, on the other hand, are not healthy and are characterized by manipulative attributes and an imbalance in areas of support causing stagnancy in the lives of both of its participants. Situationships are identifiable by their imbalanced relationship patterns where both parties involved need each other for their sense of survival. It involves financial instability and often emotional immaturity and lack of intimacy between partners, as well as fears of being alone and loss of security. 

In situationships, pure love is non-existent as they each develop an emotional attachment style, and their lives become warped around each other as they lose all sense of self-identity and focus on individuality. They each depend highly on one another as their source of happiness and perform habitual acts of “people-pleasing” all to prevent exposing themselves to their fears of abandonment and facing those subconscious fears of being alone. Because this type of partnership isn’t in alignment with purpose but with growth alone, they tend to become toxic and pull us away from our authentic expressions of self. As a result, both parties in situation-ships tend to heavily neglect themselves, ignoring all of their wants and needs, and begin unconsciously avoiding change and performing acts of self-betrayal. 

The Giver & The Taker

There are two people involved here; “the giver”, who only feels valuable when making sacrifices or being needed, and “the taker” or enabler who unconsciously takes advantage of their partners’ feelings of wanting to be needed or made to feel valuable by simply not letting them go. Both are heavily doused in codependent behavioral styles and have a constant need for emotional support, external appreciation, and valuation and/or financial support; things they should be giving to themselves. They often exhibit controlling behavior, and often exert dominance, and have shared interests with little to no self-catered activities.  There is often a lack of trust since there is a lack of transparency due to fears of intimacy and vulnerability, and there is little to no material, spiritual and emotional growth. Situationships experience intense love droughts due to both parties’ inability to adequately implement the 5 love languages which ultimately escalates to an environment of toxicity. 

SIGNS OF A SITUATION-SHIP

• Situationships are often one-sided with one person being the constant giver and putting the needs of the taker first and doing anything to constantly please the taker to avoid abandonment.
• Situationships are one-sided whereas one person always puts in more effort to avoid conflict out of fear of being alone. 
• There is a severe lack of transparency due to fears of intimacy and vulnerability.   Both partners may often feel scared to be caught indulging in certain activities or addictions or hide activities like frivolous shopping or porn addictions out of fear of upsetting their partner or being judged or ridiculed.
• People in codependent relationships often lose their sense of self-worth in the relationship, and rather than building one’s self-esteem, these types of relationships only continue to tear it down.
• These kinds of partnerships are occasionally verbally and emotionally abusive or aggressive. 
• Both parties are completely unaware of their emotional attachment styles. 
• Both parties experience stagnancy in the spiritual, emotional, and/or financial aspects of their lives. 

WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS?

Relationships are organic connections where both people involved exhibit independence and are self-sufficient with the capacity to work interdependently with one another to sustain a harmonious, loving, and prosperous relationship where they both consistently fulfill their aspirations. Relationships are characterized by immense spiritual, emotional, and mental growth and stability. The growth both individuals experience in a relationship remains consistent and the relationship exhibits mutual support and overstanding between both parties. Each individual involved can healthily implement the 5 love languages so there’s no room for a love drought.   The love they share creates an environment of tranquility, and both parties very much appreciate their significant other's presence in their life but it’s not a necessity because they are internally whole and complete themselves. They have self-catered interests and have built a foundation on a basis of unconditional love and their lines of business or careers. 

Insecurities if present have no relevance to how their relationship is governed and balance is prevalent as they are the drivers of their ambitions. They don’t compromise their values nor neglect themselves to attend to their partners' every need. There is a deep emotional bond built on the foundation of a soul connection with an abundance of unconditional love because fears of intimacy don’t exist in relationships.  There is a sense of safety and comfort they each provide to one another that starves those pre-existing fears of vulnerability.  There is an established set of healthy boundaries that reinforces their self-worth and partners involved don’t hesitate to take accountability for their actions, acknowledge their feelings, healthily express their emotions and confidently make amends for their wrongdoing. 

SIGNS OF A RELATIONSHIP 

• Both partners respond engagingly to each other and exert optimal effort to nurture the connection because they love each other not because they fear abandonment or loneliness. 
• Both partners set healthy boundaries that reinforce their self-worth. 
• Both partners actively listen and exercise emotional intelligence that allows them to healthily process their feelings and communicate what they feel positively and productively thus they resolve their differences maturely.   
• Both partners overstand that life does not revolve around each other, it revolves around purpose so they each develop time for personal interest or passions.
• Both partners create a safe space for openly vulnerable expressions. 
• Both partners influence each other positively and motivate one another through actions they take on a personal level toward growth and expansion in all aspects of their lives. 

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE 

Here are ways in which you can immediately recognize the unique differences between being involved in a situationship versus being involved in a relationship;

• Situationships are categorized by constant reliance on each other, resulting in stagnancy,  whilst relationships inspire and encourage self-growth and expansion on a subconscious and a conscious level.
• Situationships prioritize shared interest over personal interest, sacrificing their desires for their partners as a means of controlling an outcome, and have a poor communication system. Relationships prioritize personal interest and have a clear communication system. 
• Those in situation-ships are dismissive of boundaries and exert dominance or restraint employing control. Those in relationships have the utmost respect for boundaries and inspire mental, physical, and emotional freedom. 
• Those involved in situationships have subconscious fears of intimacy and vulnerability making it difficult to develop a deep emotional connection through transparent expressions. Those involved in relationships have no fears of intimacy and exhibit this through habitual acts of vulnerable expression so naturally, a deep emotional connection is formed and becomes apparent.   
• Situationships are inorganic being that they are solely built on chemistry and interest in potential. This love is usually conditional and comes with many simulations, false expectations and feelings are often left invalidated. Relationships are organically formed on genuine connections where mutual give and take is practiced and love is unconditional so it comes in the absence of stimulations and false expectations, and feelings are always validated. 
• Situationships are often one-sided, where one person is investing more time and effort and there is a reluctance to change whereas relationships provide safety underneath an umbrella of mutual reassurance through mutual effort. 

We should be striving for wholeness which is the foundation of all harmonious interdependent relationships. Relationships are one of life’s most gratifying experiences when you both have  a passionate drive for self-improvement and you have a genuine connection rooted in unconditional love.