THE VALIDATION SEEKER

In a world filled with likes, shares, and comments, the pursuit of validation has become something of a modern epidemic. From mundane choices like which shoes to wear to life-altering decisions such as career changes, the quest for validation seeps into every crevice of our lives. If purchasing a new vehicle for social status or getting married to win a parent's approval has become your normality of life then you've become a validation seeker. If you spend money you don't have to avoid being ridiculed for being “broke” or financially unstable then your life is not yours, your life belongs to the people around you that you constantly feel the need to seek validation from. 

We all appreciate recognition but there is a huge disparity between appreciation and need. There is everything inherently wrong with deriving our sense of self-worth from the validation and approval of others. Yes, we're social creatures, after all, and a degree of external affirmation can be a healthy thing but it's worth more when it's produced internally and it's something we can effortlessly give to ourselves.  When you're so caught up in what others think that you forget what you think, you lose touch with yourself.

Seeking validation from others can be a bit like chasing a mirage. You think you're getting closer, but it keeps slipping through your fingers. The external validation you receive is fleeting, and the more you seek it, the more elusive it becomes. It's like trying to catch a butterfly with your bare hands – beautiful to watch, but nearly impossible to grasp. It's a bit like an addiction. A simple "like" on a social media post can trigger a rush of dopamine, making us crave more. And when that validation is missing, we start to doubt ourselves, we start to doubt our worthiness. 

We wonder if we're not good enough, smart enough, or physically attractive enough. It's like a scale that tips in favor of external opinions, and your voice becomes a mere whisper in the crowd of judgment. Your self-confidence takes a hit, and you start relying on others to validate your choices, even the smallest ones. Here are some common signs that indicate you might be a validation seeker:

• Overthink before taking action: Do you find yourself lost in an intricate web of thoughts, contemplating every possible outcome before daring to take a single step? Remember, life is a canvas, and action is the paintbrush – even imperfect strokes can create beautiful masterpieces. Embrace the idea. That action, even when imperfect, is a powerful catalyst for personal growth.

• Taking disagreement personally:  Does your world crumble when someone dares to disagree or critique your ideas? If you're constantly wounded by differing opinions, you're in the Validation Seeker's club. Constructive criticism is the whetstone that sharpens your creative blade. Don't perceive it as an attack; view it as an opportunity to refine your brilliance. Remember, even the most celebrated minds faced criticism at some point in their journey.

• Always scared to say "No":  Are you the eternal "Yes Person" forever dancing to other people's tunes, even when it's not in your best interest? Seeking validation through servitude or “people pleasing”  is exhausting. It's high time to overstand that “No” is your power word. It's a formidable weapon for self-preservation and the guardian of your precious boundaries.

• Pretending to overstand something:  Have you mastered the art of nodding and smiling while secretly navigating the fog of your confusion? Pretending to overstand when you're lost is a Validation Seeker's significant sign. Embrace the beauty of curiosity and ask questions. Learning is a never-ending journey, and the most profound wisdom begins with admitting what you don't know.

• Expecting or fishing for compliments:  Do you often drop hints, casting your fishing rod for compliments and praises to reel in? Seeking compliments isn't a cardinal sin, but when it becomes a daily ritual, it's time for a paradigm shift. Rather than waiting for others to validate your brilliance, embark on the journey of self-actualization. Celebrate your achievements, whether they're monumental or minuscule, and watch your self-esteem soar.

Once you've recognized the behavior, the journey toward change begins. It starts with the realization that you are enough, just as you are. You don't need external validation to confirm your worthiness. It's about shifting the focus from external approval to internal contentment. How do you do that? Start by practicing self-compassion and  self-love. 

Embrace your imperfections, for they are what make you beautifully authentically you. It's never okay for you to base your life decisions on what others may think of you. It’s never okay for you to throw away your authentic expression of self to win someone else’s approval or in an attempt to avoid being judged or ridiculed. The decisions you make affect your life and your life alone. How anyone else feels about the decisions you choose to make has no relevance to your well-being unless it negatively impacts the lives of others around you. 

The habitual desire to win the approval of others is a rejection of self. To be perceived in a certain way that doesn’t truly reflect who you are as a person is an act of self-betrayal. Let positive affirmations be a potent tool in your transformation. They're like little love notes to yourself, whispered into your subconscious. Tell yourself that you're worthy, you're capable, and you're unique. Remind yourself that your decisions, as long as they're aligned with your values, are inherently valuable. You are the author of your own story, and your approval is the only one that truly matters. Embrace your uniqueness and shine your light, not for the external applause but for the sheer joy of being your authentic self.