TOXIC SITUATIONSHIPS

TOXIC SITUATION-SHIPS

A lot of us have a familiarity with the phrase “Toxic Relationships” but don’t exactly know what it implies. If you’ve ever been in a vicious cycle of blaming, belittlement, manipulation, confusion, and self-doubt then you’re more than likely in a  toxic relationship. Most times we are consciously aware and have difficulty letting go due to fears of being alone which is relatively conducive to having a severe case of lack of self-love. Toxic situationships are like quicksand for your soul —  an emotional attachment style that leaves us feeling emotionally drained, mentally stressed, and unhappily unfulfilled. 

But how do you know if you're knee-deep in the quicksand of a toxic situationship? Trust your feelings. Your internal compass will point out the evident red flags. You'll be constantly walking on eggshells, fearing that any word or action will trigger. It's a situationship that thrives on control, manipulation, and insecurity. Love is smothered under layers of jealousy, possessiveness, and distrust. If your situationship consistently leaves you feeling unhappy, anxious, or trapped, then it's time to take a closer look. If you're constantly compromising your values, interests, or personal growth for the sake of someone else's happiness, that's a sign. Toxicity often disguises itself as love, but it's not love when it suffocates your individuality.

If you sense that you're always on a lonely island, that's a lack of support. When you can't live without your significant other, it's over-dependency. Poor communication is like a road filled with roadblocks and misunderstandings. And if truth is a rare guest in your conversations, untruthfulness is at play. Feeling lost, like a missing puzzle piece, means it's time to find your path again. Don't ignore your instincts – they're your inner compass.

In a toxic situationship, communication is tainted with venom. It's a battle, not a dialogue. Respect is a rare species, overshadowed by belittling remarks and a lack of empathy. You might find yourself constantly apologizing, even when you're not at fault, just to maintain peace. So, what's the antidote to this? The initial step is recognizing the signs, but the second is more vital—taking action. The exit sign may be obscured by the storm clouds, but it's there. 

Seek support from those closest to you, or an expert in life, love, and relationships if needed. Overstanding that walking away from a toxic relationship doesn't make you a failure; it makes you a survivor. But what comes after survival? What characterizes a healthy relationship? Well, it's a garden where love is nurtured, not strangled. In a healthy relationship, the air is filled with laughter and warmth, not tension and resentment. It's a partnership where both parties uplift and empower each other, where trust is the foundation, not the fragile glass that can shatter at any moment.

Relationships are healthy and will never make you feel abandoned, misunderstood, devalued, or attacked. Healthy relationships are like the gentle waves of a calm ocean, not the crashing waves of a storm. Communication is open and honest, free from judgment and condemnation. Disagreements are growth opportunities, not triggers for warfare. You can be yourself, unapologetically, because you're loved for who you are. 

In a healthy relationship, you'll find respect and support. You need not compromise your dreams or interests to ensure someone else's happiness. Your significant other celebrates your achievements and stands by you during the tough times. It's not a power struggle. Indicators of toxicity are; 

• Lack of support. Healthy relationships are based on the shared desire to see one another thrive in all aspects of life. When a relationship is toxic there's a lack of support for your objectives, and whenever you accomplish something, it feels like you’re in competition. 

• Over-dependency. Emotional and financial codependency is at large in toxic situationships as there is a loss of individuality and a lack of vulnerability and authenticity in these dynamics.  In some cases, you may be the sole person making a majority of the decisions or making the most effort to make it work. 

• Poor communication. Toxic situationships are always characterized by poor communication and a lack of emotional maturity and self-awareness. There is more blaming than there is accountability and emotional intelligence is absent.  Communication is predominantly filled with criticism or antagonism rather than kindness and there are often moments of silence rather than mature communication to resolve issues. 

• Untruthfulness. Dishonesty lack of transparency and vulnerability are displayed heavily in toxic situationships. 



• Feeling lost. In unhealthy situationships, you might start to feel like you're losing yourself. You may also feel erased, invisible, and abandoned. You may begin to doubt yourself and your ideals, bringing you to do things you wouldn’t normally do.

Healthy relationships are born when effort and compromise from both parties are put into play. There is no power disparity because each person respects the other's autonomy and they can make decisions together without fear of negative consequences. The indicators of a healthy relationship are; 

• Allowing time apart. The individuality of existence and persona is acknowledged and each person dives into the depths of themselves uncovering deeper levels of self-awareness that inspire authenticity.

• Curiosity about each other. There’s always a deep curiosity about each other. As you learn and grow and evolve you’re always interested in learning more about who they are becoming and you take pride in being a supporter and bystander of their journey. 

• Trust. Honesty and transparency are easy when in the presence of one another because there’s a deep level of overstanding and acceptance for one another. Each of you creates a safe space for the other to be completely and openly their most authentic expression of self. 

• Open-minded conversations. Conversations aren’t limited by rigid ways of thinking or beliefs. There is a desire for growth and a passion for learning more about yourselves and one another that leaves space for wisdom and opportunity for reflection and growth. 

• Physical fondness. There is a passionate desire for one another in the bedroom that isn’t characterized by lust but is characterized by deep unconditional love and the desire to please one another rather than simply be pleased. You want to explore one another and give yourselves to one another in ways that leave each other feeling gratified. 

• Playing as a team. You both can work as a team and are open about the roles and responsibilities you each play in your relationships. Responsibilities aren’t defined as permanent and roles aren’t solidified. There is always room for refinement and an openness to taking on each other's roles and responsibilities in the relationship. 

• Conflict resolution. There is no end to their conflict-solving abilities. Healthy relationships are met with disagreements never conflict and these disagreements are resolved easily with compassion, overstanding, and love. They each have the willingness to compromise and put in optimal effort to meet a common ground. 

It’s challenging to cope in toxic situationships because these dynamics aren’t meant to be coped with, they are meant to be learned from and moved on. So, in life, make sure your relationships are the vibrant threads that add color and depth, not the dark knots that strangle your happiness. Toxic situation-ships may be difficult to escape, but remember, you have the strength and the right to find love, respect, and happiness to create a healthy, loving, and beautiful chapter in your life. It's never too late to rewrite your love story, and that story should start with you.