TRAUMA BONDING: SIGNS AND HOW TO FREE YOURSELF

Have you ever watched a loved one stay in a toxic and/or unhealthy abusive relationship and wonder why they chose not to leave? People outside of a relationship quickly notice the signs of the toxicity before those in the relationship actually do.

Trauma bonding is a significant part of an abusive relationship, and it is often difficult to recognize by people in the relationship. This is because of the constant manipulation by the narcissistic partner.

What is a trauma bond? A trauma bond happens when there is a deep emotional attachment in a relationship that is usually abusive in some form. The abuse can be emotional, physical, verbal, or all of the above.

In this kind of relationship, the abuser has total control, and it ultimately makes the abused believe that they cannot end the relationship. Trauma bonding can happen between a child and a parent as well.

While trauma-bonded relationships can be particularly intoxicating due to the sex involved, trauma bonding can happen in all kinds of relationships. It can happen between families and friends.

Signs You Are In A Trauma-bonded Relationship

The abusive person might:

● Have a very charming appearance

● Have unpredictable emotions

● Blame you from their mood swings

● Isolate yourself from your family and friends

● Break promises they make, including promises to treat you better

You might find yourself:

● Finding excuses for minimizing and denying everything your abuser does

● Depending on alcohol or other mood-altering substances to cope

● Growing numb to the abuse or effectively normalizing it

● Trying to change your behavior to avoid upsetting your abuser

● Hiding aspects of your relationship from your loved ones

Why does trauma bonding happen?

People who have never experienced abuse often do not understand why people chose to remain in abusive relationships. They think you can easily walk away, yet you decide to stay in it. However, in reality, the trauma bond makes leaving an abusive relationship difficult. No one chooses to be abused, and people cannot do anything about how trauma bonds develop.

How do you break free from trauma bonding?

If you’ve noticed the signs and you want to free yourself, the steps below can help. It won’t be easy, but you have to do it.

● Decide to break free: Recognizing that you are in a trauma bonded relationship is an essential first step. Even though this is easier said than done, you have to take bold action and come into the acknowledgement of your reality.

● Avoid blaming yourself: If you start blaming yourself for the abuse, you will only make it harder to free yourself. Always remind yourself that you didn’t cause the abuse. It’s never your fault so avoid blaming yourself for its occurrence.

● Cut off contact with your abuser: Once you have decided to leave, stop the cycle entirely by cutting off contact with your abuser. If you co-parent, cutting off communication is still entirely possible. Use a third party contact; this could be a mutual friend or it could be a relative on either side, yours or the abuser’s. In this case, see a therapist. A professional can help you establish a plan. To create physical distance, find a safe place to stay. You can stay with a relative or friend. Change your phone number.

● Get professional help: Although you can weaken the bond on your own, it is advisable to seek professional help because these bonds tend to hold fast. A professional can make it easier and help you uncover the hidden strength you need to remove yourself from that situation.

Note that when you have freed yourself from this bond, it may take a while to regain a sense of self-worth. This is normal. You will heal. Know that you may experience momental breakdowns but you can never be broken.