7 LIMITING BELIEFS ABOUT LOVE

Everyone has beliefs, or perceptions that influence their life and decisions, for better or worse. These perceptions are formed based on the assumptions you've made along the way from past personal experiences, and the things you've been exposed to during childhood, as well as the things you've been taught. Some remain steady and etched in your mind, while others might vary and adapt, especially as you learn and mature as a person. Over time we often develop limiting beliefs about love that keeps us from obtaining the love we deeply desire for ourselves. 

Here are some of the limiting beliefs about love:

1. Love Hurts: Most times, we believe that the indication of love is having controlling, unpredictable or violent partners. This may have stemmed from seeing traumatic relationships growing up or experiencing them in previous relationships. This translates to our subconscious that having a peaceful and tranquil relationship is not genuine or realistic and that love hurts making it something not worthwhile. You may have faced betrayal or been deceived in the past and fear that all relationships eventually turn out that way, and that means romantic relationships can be harmful. Real love isn’t harmful, it’s actually rather intoxicatingly pleasurable beyond all measure. 

2. Love Equals Loss of Freedom: In your past relationships you may have had a controlling partner and have concluded that love and commitment is equivalent to you losing your freedom. Real love isn’t demanding or controlling and exists in absence of control and jealousy as it inspires positive lifestyle changes. 

3. I Don't Deserve To Be Loved: This is one of the most typical love limiting notions. When we think we do not deserve to be loved, we may reject every possible partner, ruin our relationships by fighting and cheating, or avoid dating or commitment entirely. In the past you may have been belittled or have had a partner project their insecurities onto you so that you’ll diminish your own self worth. Your past partners may have given you the notion that you're too difficult to be loved or you make it extremely difficult for someone to love you the right way. 

You may have been emotionally neglected and have had your feelings invalidated for requiring attention, and had your needs disregarded as if they weren’t as important as your partner’s and never received the attention or nourishment you desired. Real love is accepting and patient and will never invalidate or disregard your wants and needs, but rather nourish them.

4. If I’m Vulnerable I’ll Get Hurt: We may never have a problem being physically vulnerable with someone. It’s easy for us to take off our clothing. However, the thought of becoming emotionally bare may terrify us. You may have had a past partner take advantage of your vulnerability and manipulate you in ways that caused you to put your guard up rather than simply set up healthy boundaries on the next go round. Real love isn’t manipulative and it will come to you in its purest form and exude transparency. It will take your weaknesses and leverage them with your strengths. 

5. I Have To Be In Control: Because we’ve been hurt in the past we leave painful experiences wounded with the perception that we have to be in control all the time. We fear losing control because when we’ve lost control of emotions in the past we were hurt or taken advantage of. A part of this need for control even stems as far as controlling your partner's actions. If you’ve been cheated on in the past, then knowing that they can't hurt you if you're in control of their behavior and are in control of your feelings provides you with a sense of false security. It’s an attempt to control an outcome, something that’s completely out of our control. You may even attempt to manage their feelings and make them feel awful before they can make you feel bad if you can't control their actions.

6. I Must Consistently Exhibit My Worth: We may see this as the only way to avoid rejection or abandonment. So we may feel that our worth to others is conditional and that we must constantly work to satisfy those requirements, because that is the only way they will see your worth and appreciate you more. However, the right person will see your worth without you having to constantly put it on display. 

7. I Will Lose My Individuality: In the past, you may have lost sight of who you were in a relationship, so you have the innate fear of losing your emotional and mental stability in a new relationship. You may have been in a relationship where that person tried to constantly change you into the person that they wanted you to be rather than accepting you for who you are so you avoid committed relationships. This simply isn’t true. Real love is unconditional and it doesn’t demand changes that conflict with your authenticity, it inspires change that only enhances your ability to be confident enough to walk in it.