THE PERFECTIONIST

In the story of our lives, there's a common character that many of us know all too well. The perfectionist, a creature of exceeding unrealistic standards and meticulous scrutiny, perpetually treads the path of demanding superiority in all aspects of life. They impose perfection on everything, often at the cost of their own mental and emotional well-being. The desire for perfection, when left unchecked, can manifest as an endless chase to avoid disapproval, primarily from the harshest critic of all: oneself. The subconscious allure of perfectionism entraps us in a never-ending cycle of self-judgment and as we chase this elusive ideal of perfectionism we often lose ourselves. 

We often meet this character early on, influenced by the world around us, particularly those who raised us. After all, they are the ones who expected us to do everything just right and it’s their lack of acceptance, disapproval, or even outright rejection in our early stages of childhood that has caused us to embark on a perpetual chase for perfectionism. Often overly critical, demanding, and demeaning with their remarks and reprimands, our parental figures have cultivated these subconscious feelings of unworthiness that seep into our psyche, eroding the foundations of our self-esteem. We grow into adulthood, becoming prisoners of our ambition, chasing an unattainable mirage of flawlessness. Our self-worth is irrevocably bound to a relentless quest. 

In this relentless pursuit, we seek external validation to mend the cracks in what should be an affluence of self-worth. The weight of our value becomes measurable by our imperfection as we've unconsciously attached our sense of self-worth to what's relatively unattainable. From the very moment we step into the world, we are nurtured by dreams of societal acceptance, dreams sown in the fertile soil of our early childhood. In the fragile days of youth, many of us already find ourselves in servitude to what we constantly seek or pursue. There are two types of perfectionists; the dysregulated perfectionist and the self-regulated perfectionist. Those who are dysregulated perfectionists are recognizable by their not-so-great distinctive traits that become stagnant markers in their attempt to achieve success.

• Procrastination: If you're a perfectionist you might sometimes put things off because you’re waiting for the "perfect" moment. This might cause you to miss out on opportunities and create needless stress and delays in your timeline, taking you longer to achieve those desired goals

• Self-Criticism: Perfectionists can be their own worst critics. You might beat yourself up over small mistakes, which isn't always fair to you. Your negative self-judgments only chip away at your self-esteem, making it harder for you to ascertain your self-worth and regain your self-confidence. 

• Social Isolation: Your excessive time commitment to your quest for perfection can make you seem a little intense to others. It also causes you to isolate yourself from your friends and keeps you from experiencing new adventures to the point you begin to miss out on life entirely as you dedicate inordinate amounts of time to achieving perfection. Life is to be experienced and it's important to find a balance between time spent in solidarity and time spent creating new memories with those you love. Relationships and connections are a big part of our existence.

• Stress: All that striving for perfection can be stressful. It's essential to remember that it's okay not to be perfect all the time. Perfectionists set relentlessly unrealistic standards bar after bar, seldomly satisfied with the status quo and seldomly reaching those standards. 

• Avoidance of Mistakes: The fear of imperfection often results in no movement forward because you’re more afraid of making a mistake and failing than you are of taking the risk and possibly succeeding.  This usually results in you being too rigid;  sticking to a meticulous routine, and rejecting alternative approaches. When things deviate from your plan, you become distraught resulting in much emotional turmoil.

It's not all rainbows and unicorns when you're a perfectionist but the pursuit of perfection carries both blessings and curses. Some great qualities come with it being a self-regulated perfectionist. 

• Top-Notch Quality: When you're a perfectionist, you tend to produce top-quality work that often exudes innovation and excellence. You pay attention to every little detail, and that's something not everyone can do. Your projects often stand out because of your dedication to flawless execution and design. 

• Ambition: You've got big dreams and high goals. You're not one to settle for just "good enough." This drive can take you to high places and help you achieve amazing things because you know exactly what you deserve, and how to chart out your pathway accurately so that you can achieve it. 

• Creativity: Many perfectionists are pretty creative folks. You can come up with awesome ideas and execute them with precision. Your pursuit of perfection often results in something truly unique and extraordinary.

• Persistence: When the going gets tough, you don't give up easily. You've got grit and determination, which can help you overcome challenges and keep going.

The distinct difference between a dysregulated and self-regulated perfectionist is the balance achieved by embracing and accepting that aspect of themselves and learning how to leverage that weakness in a way that compliments their strengths. Instead of chasing unattainable perfection, self-regulated perfectionists aim for excellence. Our true worth is not derived from the absence of flaws but forged by our ability to remain crucible. Liberating ourselves from the tyranny of perfectionism leads us to an overstanding that it is in our imperfections, vulnerability, and authenticity that we’ll find ourselves most valuable.

Our sense of self-worth shouldn't derive from our ability to maintain perfection. Our sense of self-worth should be driven by character, and our ability to face adversity with grace, tenacity, and persistence with unyielding courage. Our sense of self-worth should derive from our ability to make mistakes yet still evolve from them and conquer our inner demons with ferocity, a willingness to change, and unwavering faith. Your worth isn't determined by being flawless, it's about being true to yourself, embracing your uniqueness, and finding happiness along the way. So, keep being tremendous, keep reaching for the stars, and remember that it's the journey and the lessons you learn that truly matter, not the unattainable idea of perfection.

Biblical meaning of crucible: A vessel in a refining fire, a place where precious substances are tested, purified, and strengthened.