SELF DISTRUST

Are you one of those people who can't decide without a lingering fear? Maybe you fear missing out, or perhaps you dread repeating past mistakes so you find yourself hesitating, teetering on the edge of life-altering decisions. These fears are the battle cries of self-distrust. Self-distrust is that sneaky shadow that creeps into our minds, telling us we're not good enough. It's a sly saboteur in our journey to self-fulfillment. It's a puzzle we often struggle to solve, and its origins are as intricate as the human psyche itself.

So, where does it all begin? The answer is woven into a complex fabric of past failures, fueled by a relentless thirst for external acknowledgment and acceptance that we mistakenly believe defines our self-worth. Rooted in our formative years, self-distrust is what we learn when we’ve grown up in households governed by controlling or overbearing parental figures. In these types of homes, seeds of self-doubt are sown and the need for constant validation is born, as we find ourselves walking on tightropes of impossibly high standards. The harsh reprimands that diminish our ability to vocalize our thoughts, wants, and needs leave us feeling unheard, neglected, and unworthy. We’re taught at an early age that our ideas and opinions aren't important and that what we feel doesn’t matter. 

As we embark on this relentless pursuit of parental acceptance we are left feeling constantly rejected and often neglected which teaches us to reject and neglect ourselves in the process. So much so, that we doubt ourselves and our capabilities in the process of rediscovering our importance.  As we go through life we equate mistakes or experiences that lead to lessons rather than our expected outcomes with failure., and what we falsely perceive as subsequent failure only fuels our internal feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt. We then begin to cling to this unattainable ideal of perfectionism because we believe that if we look perfect, and act perfect we’ll finally receive that acceptance and recognition from a mother, or a father that we've been desperately longing for. Imperfection becomes our nemesis, and this perilous cycle of self-distrust takes hold. 

For those ensnared by self-doubt, life often becomes a perpetual state of tension and apprehension. They engage in endless self-critique, continuously underestimating their accomplishments, and dwelling on past failures, regardless of their significance. Identifying self-distrust can be like peeling back layers of an onion. If you've struggled with self-doubt then it most likely has manifested in these various ways;

• Constantly doubting your decisions, often stemming from a past failure.
• Unintentional self-absorption, where you become the epicenter of your universe.
• Struggling with low self-esteem and a chronic lack of confidence.
• Past emotional traumas cast a shadow of doubt over your friendships and romantic relationships.
• An insatiable hunger for external validation from friends, family, or romantic partners.

Emotions exert a powerful influence over perception, often more than we'd care to admit. And that cunning puppeteer that is perception plays a starring role in how we choose to think about ourselves and others. Those who've yet to uncover their true life path and who have adopted a positive perception might interpret these supposed failures and childhood trauma as God’s way of nudging them toward self-discovery, inevitably leading to endless self-love. If you're ready to break free from the clutches of self-distrust, it's time to get on a transformative journey toward self-love and start by; 

• Trusting Your Values: Rediscover what truly matters to you and stand firm in your principles.
• Amplify Your Self-Awareness: Embrace your strengths and weaknesses, as they make you uniquely you, and be aware of ways in which you can improve. Getting confident and consistent with getting uncomfortable is the only way we can continue to take leaps and bounds in the domains of transformative growth. 
• No External Validation: Learn to start validating yourself from within, unshackling your worth from external approval. This can only be easily done once we’ve walked into deeper elevated tiers of self-actualization and self-acceptance.
• Excuses Are Off-Limits: Own your decisions and actions, holding yourself accountable is the only way we can leave behind the version of ourselves that we don't like to evolve into the version of ourselves that we do.
• Keep Your Aspirations A Secret: Shield your dreams from external negativity, guarding their fragile beginnings.
• Cultivate Self-Compassion: Extend to yourself the same kindness and forgiveness you would generously offer to someone you love.

Lastly, cultivate a new social circle. Having mentors or people you can associate yourself with who share similar values and beliefs but are diverse in age and culture can also significantly empower you as you work in tandem to heal, transform, and embark on similar self-love journeys to reach individual goals. Energy is contagious and oftentimes we associate ourselves with the wrong circle of people rather than giving our time and attention to the right circle of people. The right circle of people can be a pillar of wisdom and inspiration. Relationships that are meaningful and mindful are the type of relationships that help us transform. 

Consider befriending someone significantly younger, and someone who is significantly older. The older mentor can share wisdom gained through experience, while the younger one can offer fresh perspectives and guide you toward unexplored paths. This dual mentorship can help you reflect on your journey and increase your confidence in your ability to reach your goals. 

As creators of our realities it's high time we rewrite this script that holds sway to our futures. Self-worth should never be fastened to the pursuit of perfection or external acceptance from parental figures, friends, or societal peers. Instead, it should spring from our recognition of how immaculately we are designed, our resilience in the face of adversity, and our capacity to embrace our mistakes with grace. True self-worth is rooted in our untiring faith in our potential and the acknowledgment of our souls' divinity and value isn't determined by the absence of flaws, but rather by our ability to evolve, learn, and conquer our inner demons, doubts, and fears. It's time to unravel the knots, nurture self-trust, and dance forward in the radiant light of your limitless potential.