EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND IT’S MANY FACES

Emotional manipulation can weaken relationships and leave the victim feeling powerless, confused, and frustrated. Manipulation, like other toxic behaviors, is a learned behavior that becomes embedded deep into our subconscious in time where we have been manipulated. Thus we tend to unknowingly manipulate others, although we never intend to. But whether intended or not, manipulation is a way of altering reality to invoke someone’s emotions to get them to feel a certain way so that the outcome works in your favor. If you ever feel insecure, or have feelings of low self esteem or feel guilt tripped, then emotional manipulation may be at play. The reality is that it is easy to see this happening to someone you care about, but it is hard to spot it if it is happening to you.

Here are the most common faces of emotional manipulation;

The Superior: This type of manipulator uses belittling disguised as constructive criticism as a way of making you feel small, or undereducated. They put you down using snide remarks in an attempt to showcase how much smarter they are than you. These manipulators often take no ownership as they are never wrong and it’s always the other person with all the flaws. They often blame the downfall of their relationships on the other person, and take no accountability for the part they played in them. 

The Victim: This type of manipulator often plays the role of the victim in every relationship or situation. They often use this form of manipulation as a way to invoke pity from others to get what they want. The objective is for you to feel bad for them and just simply give in to their demands. 

The Projector: This type of manipulator often projects their insecurities onto you out of pure jealousy. You have character traits that they wish they had but instead of admiring you for them they envy you for it, and will try to criticize you about those same attributes in an attempt to downplay them. 

The Weak & Feeble: This type of manipulator often plays the weak card. They may say something like “I don’t know how I’d even think without you”, or “don’t let me down”. They pretend that they will be helpless without you if you were to ever leave. They pretend that they can’t do anything for themselves and are in desperate need of your presence for their own survival. You may find that this person always asks you for help completing tasks. They use this same helplessness to dominate relationships. 

The Seducer: This type of manipulator uses sexual words, body language, sexual arousal or sexual pleasure to get what they want from you. They may even be attention seekers and have a keen desire to be the center of admiration. 

The Deliberate Misinterpreter: This type of manipulator will often misunderstand you and  will deliberately misinterpret your words to others and spread misinformation as a way to portray you in a negative light to others. The objective is to get everyone on their side and have them believing that you are the bad guy. 

The Intimidator: This manipulator often uses intimidation as a way to gain control over their partner, and is an aggressor. They instill fear in you and use that same fear to persuade you to make decisions that are only in their best interest, or only beneficial to them.

The Gaslighter:  This manipulator often discredits the feelings and the validity of the victims claim when accused. Because this manipulator is an avoider and doesn’t take accountability for their wrong doing they will often distort your reality and in turn leave you questioning your own beliefs and or accusations against them. You’ll start to doubt yourself and your feelings and start to also see them as invalid. This often leads people to become emotionally unavailable. 

The Aggressor: This manipulator uses a loud voice that is so overbearing that you can barely get a word in. By the time you finish trying to make a statement you will be so exhausted and forget the questions you were going to ask them, or just give up on asking them all together just to drop the issue because you don’t want any drama. 

Signs You Are Being Emotionally Manipulated

There are manipulators who deploy all of these strategies so beware. The signs that someone is emotionally manipulating you can be subtle. They’re often difficult to spot, especially when you are the victim. However, you can learn to recognize the manipulation and put a stop to it. Here are some signs that will help you protect yourself and your sanity.

• You're Questioning Yourself Often:  The manipulator often makes the victim question themselves, their memory, reality, or thoughts. The manipulator may twist what they say and make it about them. They can hijack the conversation or make you feel like you’ve done something wrong even though you aren’t sure that you have.
  
  
• You Feel Insecure When You're with Them: Manipulators want to maintain control over their victims and make them feel bad about themselves. By doing this, they keep their victim complacent. They use the victim’s weakness and insecurities against them. This often results in their victims believing that they wouldn’t make it on their own without them, or if they were to leave nobody else would want them,  or they wouldn’t be able to find anyone better. 
  
  
• They Alter The Facts: Emotional manipulators often alter reality with lies, fibs, or misstatements to confuse their victims.  They usually exaggerate events to make themselves seem more vulnerable or understate the role they played in a conflict in order to gain your sympathy.
  
  
• They Use Intellectual Bullying: An emotional manipulator overwhelms their victims with statistics, jargon, or facts when they ask a question. Some manipulators know how to impose their “knowledge” on their victims. They use it against them and make them feel helpless.
  
  
• You Feel Sorry For Speaking Up: Emotional manipulators will respond in an aggressive manner if you ask a question or make a suggestion. They may also try to draw you into an argument. By doing this, they control your choices and influence your decisions.

What To Do?

If you have been manipulated in the past or you are currently experiencing it, you are not at fault. Almost everyone has experienced it at some point. If you find yourself in this situation, here are three things you can do:

• Establish boundaries and know when to speak up and stand your ground.
• Be willing to walk away from whatever or whoever is making you feel small
• Work with a professional if you simply can’t do the first two alone.