THE INORDINANCE OF A VICTIM MENTALITY

Life, even in its purest form, is not fair. When you ponder about the simple things like why one is born into a rich family and another into a poor one, you would see the unfairness, and interestingly, at every point in time, everyone becomes a victim of its unfairness. For instance, we become a victim of the fear of failure or success, or simply a victim of grief and unforeseen circumstances like the unexpected loss of a loved one. Sometimes, too, we are victims of our own selfish, or inordinate desires. But the truth is these are nothing more than the thoughts of someone with a victim mentality, because we are never truly victims of our own reality unless you deem yourself so. 

You can play victim, or you can reshape your reality and be a victor. We all experience good and bad times; it’s the normality of life. However, when bad things happen to people with a victim mentality they always blame their circumstances on everything and/or everyone else but themselves. For instance, you can’t be a people pleaser and then wallow in self pity about why you aren’t living a happy and fulfilling life because you choose to give to others’ rather than put yourself first and give back to yourself. 

I personally was a victim of sexual trauma, verbal and physical abuse, and childhood emotional neglect that caused me to develop detrimental self inhibiting behavioral patterns as a defensive mechanism because I lost my ability to trust anyone else outside of myself. Above all I lost my love and faith in humanity. But rather than be a victim and let that experience dictate the rest of my life I chose to be a victor. Through self healing I allowed myself to gain a new, positive perspective and outlook on life. This ultimately changed the way I viewed that experience, which changed the way I viewed other human beings, and how I viewed myself. I am not a victim of circumstances because I changed my reality by changing my entire mindset.

People who always blame situations or the people around them for their lives being the way that they are or for the negative events that happen in their lives suffer from a victim mentality. These people often feel victimized when things don’t go the way they planned. People with a victim mentality often avoid stepping outside of their comfort zone, making difficult decisions, assuming responsibility or taking accountability, or taking actions to improve their life. Instead they give that power to others’ when they blame other things or people for their circumstances. These people remain stuck and paralyzed by fear, certainly not a good place to be.

Signs that you have a victim mentality

You Don’t Take Responsibility: If you have a victim mentality, you will avoid taking responsibility for the circumstances you find yourself in. You would rather play the blame game and point fingers at other people to make them feel guilty.

They Hold Grudges: People with a victim mentality like to hang onto old grievances and make others feel miserable about their past actions. They do this every time anybody tries to hold them accountable for anything that happens. These people always bring up old memories and events in which they were likely legitimately hurt. However, this is their reason for not being able to make changes in their life.

Not Trying To Find A Solution: Not every bad situation is uncontrollable, even if that’s how it seems at first. Sometimes, we can make changes to turn negative situations into a positive. People with a victim mentality never see it this way. They see no solution and usually make excuses as to why every solution someone else gives them won’t work. These people usually reject offers of help, and it appears that all they want to do is feel sorry for themselves.

What Causes People To Have A Victim Mentality?

People don't just adopt a victim mentality because they can. It can be caused by a few things such as past trauma and experiences where they’ve been badly hurt; emotionally, or physically. Playing the victim can be a method of coping with past abuse or trauma. People who have been repeatedly betrayed by others’ may start feeling like victims and find it hard to trust people.

How Can You Stop Playing The Victim?

If you can see the signs that you have a victim mentality, and you have decided that you want to put a stop to the attitude, the few tips below can help you.

Take responsibility: You have total control over your actions. You also control how you react to situations, who you spend your time with, and where. Nobody is responsible for your actions so start by putting a stop to blaming others.

Indulge in self-care: Start taking care of yourself and healing your past trauma. Love yourself and be compassionate to yourself as you recover. You can start journaling, or meditating. It can help you work through your feelings and help you make better life choices.

Set healthy boundaries and start saying no: It is okay to say no to something you don’t want to do. Even if others say that you are letting them down or make you feel guilty, which is just a form of manipulation on their part. Protect your energy and always put yourself first. 

If you feel you cannot do this on your own, get professional help. A professional can help guide you through self healing and encourage you to start making positive changes. Namaste!