THE ABUSE OF LOVE

HOW TO IDENTIFY IF YOU ARE A SUFFERER OF THE ABUSE OF LOVE 

Genuine love is unconditional and creates an environment in which one can be our authentic self in the absence of control, resentment, aggression, belittlement, and anger. Genuine love inspires healing, growth, change, and evolution of self.  Any form of love that does not reinforce this healthy environment is characterized by abuse or toxicity. 

It's not always obvious when you're in an abusive relationship. Abuse can often be subtle and undetectable as many people aren't able to identify what abuse looks like. Abuse comes in different forms, such as sexual and physical violence or exploitation, emotional or psychological manipulation, and verbal brutality. The abuse of love can often be hidden in the illusion of imitation. Imitation love is often developed in the emotional attachment styles we form with people.  Love that is based on the desire to mimic or copy someone else's feelings or actions toward another person is not genuine or authentic because it is not based on one's true feelings and emotions. Imitation love can be a form of manipulation or deception, and it often stems from a fear of being vulnerable or inadequate in expressing one's emotions.

It is a form of power imbalance where the abuser uses the victim's love and trust to control them. Abuse of love can have long-lasting psychological and emotional effects on the victim and may require professional intervention and support to overcome. Let’s explore a few signs indicating an abuse of love.

• Love that is jealous and insecure. Jealousy is a fear-based emotion, not a love-based one. The fear of losing someone we love is driven by our fears of abandonment and fears of being alone. It's an indication that there is a lack of completeness and wholeness within oneself and certainly an indication of a lack of self-love. Jealousy is a strong indication of projected insecurities that leave us feeling unconfident in our abilities to truly make someone happy and to be someone that they value and find worthy. That's a strong indication that one derives their sense of self-worth from forming relationships with people in hopes that they will silence those negative thoughts about themselves. It's also a sign of validation seeking being that we have to have a strong sense of inner self-worth to be self-validated. Genuine love isn't characterized by jealousy or possessiveness; it inspires freedom, and growth, and acts as a continuous motivational force for self-love. 

• Love that puts you down: Belittlement is a form of emotional or psychological abuse that continuously exposes and heightens those hidden insecurities instead of silencing them. It chips away at our self-esteem as those negative self-judgments we place upon ourselves are reinforced by external affairs. Comparisons to other people that depict you negatively or unfavorably are psychological abuse as well as blaming you for all of your relationship issues and their violent outbursts of aggression. Genuine love will always uplift you reinforce the love you have for yourself and inspire you to be a better version of yourself for your happiness. 

• Love that withholds emotional intimacy. Shutting down verbally and non-verbally as a method of exerting control or exploitation of the circumstance is toxic. Love will never confuse you or leave you feeling unsure about yourself or your commitment. Withholding intimacy in situationships where one is being emotionally abused is used as punishment for something the other partner has done or not done, it sends a message that they have power over that person's access to intimacy and is a tactic often used to get the other partner to comply with their demands. Genuine love encourages deeper levels of intimacy and is gushing with compassion, forgiveness, and respect. Intimacy will never be withheld for manipulative reasons in connections and relationships founded on true unconditional love.

• Love that manipulates you: Manipulation is most prevalent in situations where love is being abused whereas the abuser uses gaslighting, victimization, seduction, or other forms of manipulation tactics to get their partner to bend to their will or influence their decision-making. They use clever or underhanded tactics such as being dishonest, deceptive, or emotionally charged tactics to gain an advantage, often for personal gain or power. Manipulation can be overt or covert and may involve lying, withholding information, or playing on others' fears or insecurities to achieve one's desired outcome. Psychologically damaging, manipulation negatively affects another person's decision-making abilities, and self-esteem as a way to exert control over another’s life. Genuine love will never be attached to someone who treats you like a possession and not as a person to be loved and experienced. Genuine love isn’t based on pretenses. 

You Are Worthy And Deserving of Genuine Love  

Genuine love is a constant connectedness. It’s a  deep and sincere affection toward someone that isn’t based on superficial aspects such as physical appearance, social status, material possessions, or pretenses. Instead, it stems from a heartfelt soul-embedded connection and mutual respect and admiration. Genuine love is selfless and unconditional — a love where you both prioritize the happiness, well-being, and personal growth of the person you love as much as you prioritize your own. It involves trust, loyalty, honesty, forgiveness, empathy, and effective communication and is an advocate for self-love. If you've been a sufferer behind the wheel of the abuse of love I want to take a moment to express how worthy of love you truly are. Sometimes, we forget the importance of such a simple concept, but I want to remind you that even in those moments of self-doubt you are worthy of genuine love.